All Ears
by LarkspurWhispers
Summary: Japan develops a new spying technology and shares it with Hungary. The otaku friends depart on an adventure to find steamy activities and record them on tape! Their victims of interest are none other than England and America. However, nothing is as it seems…


**Author's Note:** There is nothing explicit, but it's rated T for swearing and the suggestive thoughts of Japan and Hungary. Though they never actually interact in the anime (as far as I can remember), these two seem like the best of friends when it comes to a certain subject. ;) I hope you enjoy! Any comments or reviews are much appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia. Shucks.

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The world conference ended as it always did: in disagreement and in dissolution. Same old, same old. The meeting was held in fancy hotel located in Nantes, France. To the relief of many, it had ended for the day. Because, really, how much German yelling, French bad-touching, (North) Italian squealing, American proclamations of his heroism, English criticisms, Greek cat invasions, Russian terrorizing the Baltic Trio, Polish cross-dressing, Spanish siestas, (South) Italian profanity, and general squabbling can one endure before losing their mind to the dark tendrils of insanity? If the members of the gathering were not semi-immortal personifications of countries, they would all have surely lost their hair and dropped dead to the floor from the stress a long time ago.

Thankfully, this madness was forced draw to a close due to Germany's orders and Switzerland's threats backed up with his impressive firearms. (How did he smuggle those into the meeting in the first place?!) As the nations retired to their respective hotel rooms, Japan quickly approached his good friend Hungary. Because of his people's knack for technology, he was very eager to show her his newest toy. He was a man on a mission, which Hungary would be an important part of once he explained the contraption stashed away in his bag.

"Good evening, Hungary-chan." The Asian nation politely bowed in greeting. She turned his way, swishing her wavy locks of brown hair, and gave him a genuine smile. "Good evening, Japan! How are-"

"We invented a new video camera!" Japan accidentally rushed on. Realizing his extremely rude mistake of interrupting her (at least in his eyes), he bowed several more times and apologized. Hungary laughed in amusement at her friend's flustered expression, and then reassured him all was forgiven and asked him to go on. Japan nervously coughed, but continued none the less. Pulling out a boxy machine from his office bag, he began to rant in true geeky fashion. "This is the SpyTech 3000. There were only one hundred produced in first trial batch. I was very lucky. High definition! Advanced controls! Large storage space! This is new feature." He ended his series of choppy enthusiastic sentences and held up a device plugged into the body of the camera that looked like the bottom half of a stethoscope. The circular suction cup attached to the wire suspiciously resembled the suckers found on octopus tentacles. He explained further. "Even if there is no visual interest available, the audio track will be quite satisfactory. It will be as if we were in the same room! We named this add-on feature All Ears." Hungary regarded it with confusion and curiosity until the reason for Japan's mini presentation finally dawned on her.

In a split second, she connected the dots. New camera plus hotel rooms plus Japan, why the math was quite easy when you got to it! Hungary gained a wild glint in her eyes, a look people (coughPrussiacough) only got when she was either holding a weapon or during an important mission. This one certainly qualifies as such. "Hehehehe." A delighted, yet slightly frightening, fangirl giggle escaped Hungary's mouth before she clamped her hands over it in caution. After all, she was a nation who was expected to uphold her position with ladylike grace. Glancing around, she saw they were mostly alone in the large conference room except for some hotel staff cleaning up the food fight that occurred earlier that day. (All blame is directed towards France's bragging and England's temper).

Satisfied that no one was close enough to eavesdrop on their not-so innocent conversation, she turned back to Japan. "All Ears, huh? Hehehe... Oh, this is great! Thanks so much Japan!" Her breathing became short eager huffs at the thought of what they planned to do. "Let's go scouting! We totally need new footage."

It was their secret passion. The severity of their… interesting hobby remained only between them. Japan and Hungary were go-hard otakus. And while they loved every genre and theme and medium, there is nothing that got their blood boiling than a certain fandom named Hetalia. It was their idea in the first place to help create a webcomic about their lives, after all. Working behind the scenes, these two submitted valuable research as well as primary sources that aided this fandom's creation. The reason why Hungary was involved mostly related to her expertise in relationships between the nations. To put it simply, she loved yaoi.

This all led to the mission at hand. "Even if we don't get a video, I think we'll be just fine. You can animate the rest, right?"

"_Hai_. You can count on me." Japan puffed up just a little out of pride. His people's animation skills were definitely something to be proud of, for sure.

"_Te jó ég_, this is going to be great!" Hungary began to pace while muttering to herself in her native language as the shorter of the two countries turned to rummage in his black office bag.

Japan returned the video camera and pulled out the newest smartphone, a thin and smooth white rectangle with a large screen. He swiped the touchscreen, politely tapped the still pacing nation, and showed her the illuminated image. "Our photo collections and doujinshis are doing quite well," he informed her. "However, it is always hard to sell videos and audio tracks on the black market because they are usually low quality. The footage we'll capture today will certainly improve our revenues." Yes, he was using profit as an excuse to justify his actions, for he was still in denial of his ardent love for the products that he sells. The Asian otaku tried to hide his excitement but, alas, failed considerably!

"And our own personal collection!" added Hungary, growing more agitated with each passing second. "Ooh, I can't wait! So who is our subject of today's steamy film?"

Japan coughed politely in his hand, attempting to release that familiar fluttering inside whenever he joins his partner in crime for an adventure like this. He scrolled and swiped more, then spoke in a tone that he purposely tried to make flat and disinterested. "Statistics show that the most popular pairings from voters are as follows: #1 America x England. # 2 Germany x Northern Italy. #3 Russia x China..." Of course he didn't need to look up the data to recite it from memory, but he did so anyways. Japan had a reputation to uphold, even though his inner otaku was starting to take over his usual polite and emotionless exterior. "#4 Spain x Southern Italy. #5 England x France. Should I keep going?"

"Nope!" Hungary giggled once again. "The Special Relationship it is!"

Japan reluctantly reminded his friend about one important fact. "Unfortunately, from pervious data we collected, this paring are not as likely to engage in extreme... activities when in a public setting. Unless England is drunk, of course. However, the only alcohol served today was a variety of French wines, which England would never touch even if they were that last edible items on the planet."

"That matters not!" Hungary declared. "Besides, wouldn't you say a locked hotel room is private enough? Let's go!"

-Adventure time!- (⌒▽⌒) -

With Japan's quick hacking skills, he found England's and America's rooms from the hotel database in no time. They were located right next to each other on the third floor, which was a relatively short walk from the conference room. On the way there, Hungary conducted a mostly one-sided conversation while Japan mostly nodded in agreement.

"Well, well, well." Hungary mused as she walked alongside her quiet companion. "Rooms next to each other make sneaking around for a night full of passion that much easier!" She let out a jubilant squeal despite her attempts to being sneaky. "I just don't get why they don't room with each other in the first place. It would make things far more convenient for us."

"It would not be professional to room with another when on a business trip." Japan reasoned.

Hungary pouted. "Yeah, yeah, but still..." As they neared the correct area, she switched to a whisper. "We're here. Which room?" She looked back and forth between white doors marked 315 and 317.

"Whichever one we hear voices," Japan said with a nod as if to confirm his own answer.

"Oh yes! Voices and moans and groans and screams and-"

Japan gently poked Hungary's shoulder to stop the fangirl rant which would no doubt turn into a series of squeals and a nosebleed, undoubtedly alerting others to their position. Frankly, that would be disastrous.

"Haha, I'm just joking, Japan," she reassured.

"Really?" was his skeptical reply.

"Ahhh, nope! But can you blame me?" Her lips curved up in an innocent smile, but her green eyes framed with pretty long lashes burned with a passion that was a far cry from pure intentions.

Muffled voices could just barely be heard coming from Room 317. Hearts pounding with anticipation, the pair stealthily made their way over to the door. Japan set his video camera on the floor and proceeded in setting it up. He stuck the circular piece of the All Ears feature on the door's smooth surface and made sure that the end with the connector was plugged into the right socket. He sat comfortably on the carpeted floor, tinkering with his new machine all the way. Japan plugged in a set of corded headphones and passed one to Hungary, who joined him on the floor and took it with a quivering hand and a giggle.

Through the ear buds, the eavesdroppers could hear small creaking of the bed and rustles of blankets. Japan fiddled with buttons and adjusted the audio levels, giving the sound quality a higher priority than the boring visual image of a white door. More rustles, but now accompanied with soft flops. This time, it sounded like suits, shirts, and other assorted clothes dropping to the floor. Hungary's eyes took on a lethal gleam. Japan's face remained emotionless, but his tense stature gave away his anticipation.

"I'm bloody exhausted," came a tired voice with a British accent. "We don't get anything done at these conferences because everyone insists on being childish ingrates. Pure foolishness, I say."

"Aww, Artie. Don't be like that!" Yes, that was definitely America's voice. "It's not their fault for falling asleep during your presentation on protocol and blahh blahh. That stuff is boring as shit."

"I was talking about the damn frog and his non-stop talk about how great his food is, his wine is, his place is, argh. And I thought I did quite well in keeping many engaged during my presentation." England huffed, obviously grumpy with America's tactlessness.

"If three means many to you, then hey I'm fine with that."

England gave an indignant snort. "America, I don't believe you for one second. There were definitely more than three listening attentively to every word."

"Hey now, what's up with you being so formal and uptight. Relax man! There's no need to call me America and all that." England's muttering, too soft to be completely discerned, filtered through the headphones. "So... want me to list 'em for ya?" continued America.

"Why not?" the smaller nation asked sarcastically. "Amuse me then, Alfred."

America chuckled. "Well, there was Germany, who was just being polite and probably believed it was his duty to take great notes." Sounds of a laptop start up and shifting paper drifted through the machine. 'Then there was me, admiring the way your sexy accent makes anything sound seductive." The blankets rustled louder, and the nations sitting captivated outside the door could just imagine the eager American scooting closer to the stubborn Brit seated on the bed. He would wrap his arms from behind, pressing their upper halves snugly together... the video camera picked up a tiny smacking sound that had Hungary urgently pulling at Japan's sleeve.

"I'm sure," was England's skeptical response. Japan noted to himself to animate the island nation blushing, but trying to brush it off for his usual gruff manner and scowl. His tsundere character will certainly get the viewers excited. "_Gomennasi_, England-san, for portraying you in this way," Japan guiltily thought to himself, but pushed the emotion away at the thought of the future rewards of their sleuthing.

"And the third?"

"Not really important." America brushed it off. "And you won't like it too much anyways."

"You git." The insult was said with none of the cynical nation's usual bite but inn more of a teasingly fond tone. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to tickle it out of you?"

Hungary began to mouth-chant, "Tickle fight! Tickle fight! Tickle fight!"

Japan let a small smile grace his face in amusement, then shifted his focus back to the scene inside.

"Ahahahaha!" America's laughter was as loud as ever, and there was no need for a listening device to hear through the door. But a touch of nervousness made the chortle the tiniest bit shaky, causing Japan to raise one eyebrow at Hungary. She giggled in response, her eyes lighting up in a way that Japan knew she had a new plot for a very interesting fanfiction.

America abruptly cut off his laughter. "I'm good, Artie! No need to get that violent, sheesh. It was France, who was pretty much ogling over your ass every time you turned around to the screen. That stupid pervert."

"You're right." was the gruff reply. "I don't like that at all."

"But you do have a really nice ass," America interjected. "Especially when you wear those mmphlgh!"

"We do not speak of this," England hissed, voice low and threatening. "**Ever.**"

Japan glanced over to Hungary, only to see her writhing and pounding the floor with her fist in disappointment. Clearly, she was quite upset as America's great revelation of England's sexy clothing choice was cut off, but she recovered quickly as the conversation continued. Japan nodded at her in condolence and understanding. "Maybe next time," he mouthed in her direction.

A loud sigh from England was picked up by the headphones. "I'm so stressed these days." A soft _whomp_ alerted Japan and Hungary to a change in position, which was surely England flopping fully on the bed. An identical sound followed, which the two assumed was America. "My boss has been flying me out for one meeting after the other. I haven't had a good solid five hours of sleep since...since... I have no idea". Another heavy sigh could be heard, interlaced with exhaustion and defeat.

"Well, I know something that will make you feel better." With those last words, America's voice seductively dropped an octave, suggesting the things to come.

"Enlighten me," was England's challenge through what must have been a grin on his face. There were more rustles from the blankets, then a soft moan from British lips.

"Feel good Artie?" Another satisfied moan was the response, along with a barely audible whine.

Hungary brought her hands over her lips opened in a small gasp. Behind her petite hands, she was mouthing a series of OMGs like a crazed obsessed fangirl. Oh wait, she was.

"Lower Alfred."

"Here?"

"No, no. Lower." A pause, which caused the listening pair to tense in anticipation. "Yeah that's it." A low pleased moan sounded through the door, much louder than the previous ones.

Japan and Hungary exchanged looks. Both of their hearts were beating fiercely with the images running through their head of the activities taking place through the plastic hotel door. With each rustle, groan, and content sigh, a new picture blossomed in the eye of their vivid imagination. Maybe they were - or - or doing - and - while -. (Warning: the contents of Japan's and Hungary's minds at the moment are not appropriate for kids. Parental advisory suggested.) The sweet talk between the blonde nations that continued the entire time wasn't helping either.

"Ugh, you're so tight," America grunted. "Relax."

England initially hissed, and then the sound faded into a muffled grunt. "My goodness, love, you feel heavenly."

By now both eavesdroppers were on the verge of a nosebleed, extremely distracted by their thoughts accompanied with the sensual soundtrack of the members of this _very_ Special Relationship. Japan and Hungary were too emotionally and mentally engaged to notice a figure appear at the far end of the hotel hallway, still several doors away. That figure, whistling a little tune, causally walked closer... and closer.

"Harder, Alfred. I'm not made of glass." England said with a huff.

"If you say so old man."

There was a grumble from the Briton. "Faster too, dammit."

A series of rapid thumps made their eyes widened at each other. "That's... fast," Hungary mouthed. An astonished Japan could only nod in agreement. However, it did make sense after thinking about it for a while. It's no secret that America has super strength, which was something would definitely come in handy during these types of... activities.

"Ah, Alfred! That's the spot!"

"Right here?"

"Yes! Oh god..."

Out of nowhere, a blonde man plopped himself between the eavesdropping pair, snapping the two out of their laser concentration. With curiosity written all over his face, France asked, "What are you two doing here? _Il est mystérieux, non_?"

Japan immediately grew flustered at being caught in the act. Hungary sensibly reached out and wrapped her hand tightly around the Frenchman's mouth, dragging him down to the floor where they were seated. Whispering threateningly in his ear, she warned, "_Elhallgat_, you stupid cheese head. We are on a top secret mission and you cannot disturb it."

France attempted to open his mouth to retort, something sly for sure, when a barely audible moan made its way through the door and into the hallway with no aid from Japan's listening device. France's blue eyes lit up immediately. He pressed his ear to the door just in case if his ears had tricked him, but what he heard confirmed his suspicions.

He crouched down to speak with the two nations face to face. "That is the young _Amérique_, no?" he hissed, a lecherous smile slowly creeping on his face. Japan and Hungary mutely nodded. "And _Angleterre_, no?" Both nodded again.

France bobbed his head, unconsciously mimicking their actions while his signature laugh bubbled from his mouth. "Oh hon hon hon hon hon..."

Japan shot Hungary a terrified look that read "W-what should we do?!" She looked to be at a loss as well for a moment, but then regained her composure after a shake of her head. She reached behind her back. The cold metallic shine of her trusty frying pan that appeared glinted with murderous intent. However, Hungary didn't have chance to use it because France suddenly leapt up to his feet and swiped his key card on the door's slot without giving Hungary and Japan a chance to stop him. (Wait, where did he get that universal card in the first place?!)

France slammed open the door (the original pair scurried to the side to avoid being seen), literally pranced into the room, and giddily declared, "Let's make this a threesome~!" The moans and thumps immediately stopped as two surprised nations gaped at the intruder.

Japan, quickly thinking, placed the video recorder at the foot of the door, angling it to get the best view. Hungary gave him a thumbs-up in approval, then peeked her head in the doorway for a glance. All three outsiders were extremely disappointed with the scene laid out in front of them.

"_Quelle est cette?_" France cried with discontent that he did nothing to try to hide. "Why is nobody naked?"

England was stretched out on the bed, causally lying on his stomach and completely clothed in green flannel sleep pants paired with a plain white shirt. America, who was sitting cross legged towards England's middle, wore gray sweats and a sweatshirt with Captain America's emblem displayed proudly on the front. His hands were held directly over England's back, straight and parallel to each other, suspended in mid-karate-chop style. This was one of the many techniques he was using to massage the knots out of England's tense shoulders and back for the past several minutes. Those... interesting thumps heard before were just part of "America's F-ing Awesome Massage Session!" as he eloquently named himself.

England was the first to recover the initial shock, and he did this by grabbing the nearest pillow and nailing a solid hit on France's disappointed pouty face. "W-why would we be naked, you frog?! Get out of our room!" he screeched, face turning a livid shade of red.

France picked up the fallen pillow and tossed it behind him as he ran towards the exit. Making his getaway, his head turned to call over his shoulder, "Oh hon hon hon! Our room, was it? _Mon erreur_ lovebirds!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" America's boisterous laughter filled the space. With the excitement of a five year old, he jumped on the bed and screamed "Pillow fight!" His well-aimed throws (more like pillow balls of doom) hit the retreating Frenchman with the force of a stampede of wild beasts, causing him to land face first on the tiled surface near the door. The hard slam of his collision with the unforgiving floor jolted Japan and Hungary into motion, scooping up the video recorder and hightailed it out of the soon-to-be bloodbath. They left the scene in a medal-worthy sprint as insults, threats, and pillows were thrown across the room. As they ran, Hungary offered her partner in crime a satisfied high five, which Japan returned with enthusiasm to celebrate their truly priceless victory.

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**Translations:**

_Hai_ Yes (Japanese)

_Te jó ég_ My goodness (Hungarian)

_Gomennasi_ Sorry (Japanese)

_Il est mystérieux, non?_ It's mysterious, no? (French)

_Elhallgat!_ Hush up!/Shut up! (Hungarian)

_Amérique_ America (French)

_Angleterre_ England (French)

_Quelle est cette?_ What is this? (French)

_Mon erreur_ My mistake (French)


End file.
